Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
