i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
