so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
