I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
