Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
