God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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