like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
