So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the high leading the old right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
