and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
