go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
