ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
