I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dating After Heartbreak
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation