i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.