I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
