We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.