I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something