I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.