My hand turned me down
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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