The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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