drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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