i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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