My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
