I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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