Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
