I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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