I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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