$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
