Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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