After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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