i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
