I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
