my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
