We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
