can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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