Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
