Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
