Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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