we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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