I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
