At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
