i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
