the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Bring me that man meat
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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