that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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