yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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