You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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