There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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