Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
