I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
