saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
