Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
