Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
