I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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