i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
