Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
