Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
