Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
