I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize