What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
