Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
