I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
