I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize