my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
