Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
