4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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