Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
