Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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