I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
