Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize