I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
