Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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