Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
