i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
