we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
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