He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
