I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
