im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
