Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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