the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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