I CAN MOONWALK!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
