I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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