MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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