I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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