Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love accidental penises.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
