I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
