With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
