I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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